Today I did something I thought I might never do. I made a breakthrough and made more progress in 30 minutes than I have done in the past year. I’m trying to get my confidence back.
In this instance I’m talking about horse riding. Horses have been in my family since way before I was born and I grew up riding. Roughly a year ago I took a fall that wiped away about 15 years worth of confidence, to the point where I was a shivering wreck if I got on a horse.
I tried many things, I spent lots of time with them on the ground and am now totally back full of confidence on the floor. But something I’ve struggled with all this time, is pushing myself to go further.
I could spend a very nervy 20 minutes on my horse before my nerves got in the way, and convinced me to get off, before something bad could happen. Logically I knew that the horse I was on, was completely sane and wouldn’t do anything dangerous like the last one. But instinctively, it’s pretty hard to get over a fear once it’s worked it’s way inside your brain. It makes you irrational and the fear just grows and grows until it’s unmanageable.
Today I finally made some small progress with the help of my mum and a friend. I stayed on my horse longer than I have done in what feels like forever. And I actually felt really good while doing it.
I’d gotten so used to the feel of relief when you get off the horse that I’d forgotten the joy you could have whilst riding them. This fear had taken a passion of mine and distorted it so much that I couldn’t even remember why I liked it anymore. All I felt for a long time was a duty to get back to it. Not because I wanted too but because I felt like I had too. And that’s not very fun.
But this applies to everything when it comes to confidence. It doesn’t matter where you confidence is lacking whether it be horse riding, creating art, singing, dancing, or football.
Occasionally everyone needs to have someone there by their side to give them that little push to get you doing what you’re passionate about. And keep doing that until you forget your lack of confidence and it starts to grow.
I’m going to keep working on my confidence until I’m not only back where I was, but reaching above that and trying to get even further. And I hope anyone struggling with confidence can find a push, either in yourselves or in a trusted friend to help get you where you want to be in life.
We shouldn’t let confidence get in the way of our dreams. No matter how big or small they seem to be.